Tuesday, 12 April 2011

MRS TREFUSIS REGRETS

At least two thirds of anything I utter starts with the words 'I'm so sorry'.  The remaining thirty-odd percent is taken up by the excuses that invariably succeed any of my apologies.

Of course - not that this is any real defence - I'm mainly apologising for sins of omission than commission. I find myself on the back foot because I am an abysmal time manager - chaotic and unmethodical, failing to differentiate the urgent from the important, or to prioritise the essential. I'm told there's a huge satisfaction to be had from writing 'To Do' lists and then ticking things off as they are done. I tried it and promptly lost the list. Then I found the list and had to add a dozen new things that had cropped up between losing the original list and finding it again. So I bluff my way through without a list, keeping some of the plates spinning in the air whilst trying to pretend I'm indifferent to the piles of shattered crockery at my feet.

This post is no different - it's all about the apology - for I am actually awfully sorry for being such a shoddy, infrequent, uninteresting blogger all year. It really wasn't how I started, honestly: when the world for me was shiny and hopeful, and I was less weary, I posted quite often. Few weeks go past without me resolving to write more often, but then a lack of time and imagination get in the way again, and before I know it, it's a month since I last wrote anything other than my signature on a stack of invoices and some terse emails, bashed out on a Blackberry on the bus. Like everyone else, I suppose, I keep buggering on, post-recession - in a world where we all have to do more, with less, and for less, and that's as big a time thief as any. Yes, being time-poor is a good excuse, but is it really a reason?

As far as writing this blog is concerned, if I continue doing nothing more than saying sorry and making excuses all I'll do is hold the snarling dog of guilt at bay.

I do wonder, though, if I say 'sorry' a little too reflexively:  Am I using it away of acknowledging the things undone without including any of your actual, you know, repentence? What is the distance between rueful and contrite? I have a suspicion that if an apology is heartfelt, it should include more than guilt and remorse, and be all about a fervent desire not to repeat the error?

If I resolve to write more often, and actually manage to do it, at least I'll have resolved something. Who knows, it might show me that I could apologise less, and do more in other aspects of my life too. I'll give it a whirl.

18 comments:

Rose said...

Well I love your blog and when there is a little less in a way I love it more. I think everyone has struggled recently- I know I really have. Sometimes the key is just sitting down and doing it but other times I think you just have to accept perhaps there isn't so much to say. Twitter has been going through a bit of a fallow period too I think, we will all feel better for this sun

Ania said...

I was going to say something, but I couldn't think of anything. Sorry ;)

~Tessa~Scoffs said...

Oh Mrs Trefusis. I can sympathise both with your frequent apologies and lack of blog posts. My blog writing has been scanty of late but I hesitate to acknowledge same on my blog. I'm pretending to have far more important things to do. Though I'm usually dashing through the grocery whilst the children are at lessons.

Helena Halme said...

We forgive you. (Oh dear, that sounds awfully Royal - the current trend - what I mean is I forgive you.)

Besides, you do not need to apologise for not posting on your blog. Notice the 'your'? We (here I go again) enjoy your posts so much, it doesn't matter how often they appear.

Don't worry be happy.

Helena xx

Tish Jett said...

Whatever you do, please, for the sake of fine writing and personality and elegance and, and. . . Please, do not stop writing your stunning blog.

I've never read anyone's apology that I've enjoyed more -- "omission, not commission." Ha!

xo,
Tish

clothing said...

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Steerforth said...

It's quality not quantity that counts, which is why I will keep returning, however much or little you write.

Alison Cross said...

If I'm honest, I simply can't keep up with blogs if folks make lots of posts.

So just blog whenever you can.

And don't apologise ;-)

Ali x

Eleanor said...

Gosh Mrs T, it's as if you were writing my own thoughts, only much more elegantly of course!

My own blog is created at 11h00 at night, on the last day of each month.

In a sudden desperate bid to get in a few posts, I skedaddle up a few haphazard musings before the clocks strikes 12! This is to stave off the sheer misery of seeing my archives display a resounding zero, for the month that is about to pass.

One of my blog heroines recently took a sabatical after dedicating 50 hours a week to her blog! Poor darling, no wonder she has 800 and something followers, I only have 77,and one of them is me!

xxx elle
allthethingsilove.blogspot.com

Michelle Trusttum said...

I am so relieved!
Upon reading your title I thought you were going to put an end to it all. I would so much rather read a brilliant little piece on apology, than see you give up on your blog altogether.
You are much too fine a writer.

awhirlinlondon said...

If you'd actually like to give the list thing another whirl (I'm an addict - writing things down means that I don't have to keep them in my brain, from whence they invariably fall out), I wonder if it would help if you biffed over to Liberty's stationery department again? If you get yourself a pretty, bright little binder or notebook or whatever, bet you'd know exactly where it was. Worth a shot, perhaps?

Lady Jennie said...

I'm with Ali up there. I'm so happy when people post somewhat infrequently (though I'd truly love to hear more from you) because I can keep up much better. When I look on my netvibes account and see someone posted 8 times since my last visit, it can get overwhelming.

Anyway, your fans are still here. :-)

Mrs Osborn said...

I love your blog, I love your writing, however often you post. ps - wow how fab do you look in the Bastyan cowl-neck dress?!

shayma said...

everyone needs a break-you dont have to apologise- you are an amazing woman- juggling a career, blogging, children, marriage, fashion and bubbly drinks ;) x shayma

Anonymous said...

Even when you write about not writing you bring me a smile. Don't give up and please continue

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At least two thirds of anything I utter starts with the words 'I'm so sorry'.
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If you get yourself a pretty bright little binder or notebook or whatever, but you know exactly where it was.
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Indie Fashion said...

I read your blog so interesting. thanks